Thursday, February 03, 2005
Living on the edge
I have been living dangerously with my career for long. As far as I can think I have been living on the edge since my high school days. Everything has been done with a feeling of being overwhlemed as if I have to somehow finish it. There has been a permanent lethargy attached in my life-style.
For example take my career, I am in IT for last 12 years + 4 years of engineering . Even after such a hard core experience I have never done a proper and serious study of either general IT concepts nor of my specific areas where I specialize. Somehow I have been managing either by reading about a required topic only in the last minute or by somehow resolving a bad work situation.
Even during my 4 years of college I did very little studies and somehow managed to pass out, possibly because, in our engg. college, generally nobody was failed and passing rate was as high as 90-95%.
As for as I can think major reason seem to be my health which seems to be making me always tired and lethargic. Or maybe it started with my health and then it became my attitude / mental block or vice-versa. My wife thinks its all in my head and its my laziness only. At times I have to literally drag my body and myself to do something.
In spite of all the shrtcomings, I guess what has kept me going is basically my good general , analytical and trouble-shooting skills , soft and easygoing nature and support of my wife.
Its good that I am only an software engineer. If I would have been a doctor I would have been a major disaster. I dont know what kind of troubles I would have caused.
Anyways things are slowly and gradually improving though somehow I am feeling that pace of improvement is either very slow or many times it is 10 steps ahead then 10 steps behind. A part of me has become permanently skeptical.
With trial and error and learning from my expereiences, I am getting to know how to maximise my efficiency and enjoyment within the my limitations.
Quite a few things are helping me overall. Things like light and un-stressful job , general reduced expectation level , tennis , blogging , spending time with my family , reading , music etc are helping me.
So far I am quite happy with this blogging habit as it is helping me in creating a interesting habbit. It is also giving me a feeling of satisfaction since I am feeling happy that I am writing something. I have always admired writing as a great art. Also blog is becoming an outlet for me to vent out my pent-up feelings which makes me feel light.
For example take my career, I am in IT for last 12 years + 4 years of engineering . Even after such a hard core experience I have never done a proper and serious study of either general IT concepts nor of my specific areas where I specialize. Somehow I have been managing either by reading about a required topic only in the last minute or by somehow resolving a bad work situation.
Even during my 4 years of college I did very little studies and somehow managed to pass out, possibly because, in our engg. college, generally nobody was failed and passing rate was as high as 90-95%.
As for as I can think major reason seem to be my health which seems to be making me always tired and lethargic. Or maybe it started with my health and then it became my attitude / mental block or vice-versa. My wife thinks its all in my head and its my laziness only. At times I have to literally drag my body and myself to do something.
In spite of all the shrtcomings, I guess what has kept me going is basically my good general , analytical and trouble-shooting skills , soft and easygoing nature and support of my wife.
Its good that I am only an software engineer. If I would have been a doctor I would have been a major disaster. I dont know what kind of troubles I would have caused.
Anyways things are slowly and gradually improving though somehow I am feeling that pace of improvement is either very slow or many times it is 10 steps ahead then 10 steps behind. A part of me has become permanently skeptical.
With trial and error and learning from my expereiences, I am getting to know how to maximise my efficiency and enjoyment within the my limitations.
Quite a few things are helping me overall. Things like light and un-stressful job , general reduced expectation level , tennis , blogging , spending time with my family , reading , music etc are helping me.
So far I am quite happy with this blogging habit as it is helping me in creating a interesting habbit. It is also giving me a feeling of satisfaction since I am feeling happy that I am writing something. I have always admired writing as a great art. Also blog is becoming an outlet for me to vent out my pent-up feelings which makes me feel light.
