Raman's Blog

Update

2006-10-19T13:45:00.000-07:00

Its been bit late but I am writing now. There has been some new good developments. Provigil was added to my existing Zoloft. This combo therapy is working much better for me. I have more active/functional hours now and less sleeping hours. So that makes me happy.

I read Naipaul’s Between Father and Son (family letters) … it was very interesting … I am liking Naipaul more and more and I’m now reading his best novel A house for Mr Biswas.

I have also discovered the King library at San Jose. It has a great collection. I could get a lot of old and difficult books. So I will be going there quite frequently.

Also got good children’s books for the kids in last weekend’s book-sale at Palo Alto.

I am enjoying the life now …

Update

2006-10-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

It’s been some time since I have written last time. Things have been kind of OK. I have cut down on my time spent on books, games, etc and diverted that time for family and health. Also discussed with my Dr. He also agreed and insisted that I should not break the rules and try to keep physical activities and family/social interaction aspect taken care to make the full treatment work. So I have started working on it seriously. It seems be giving somewhat better results so I am planning to continue this thing going on.

Things have been OK on the book front. Recently I purchased for myself and my son the DS Lite and Brain Age game. It’s a nice game full of puzzles and other brain games. I am having fun with it. It is somewhat addictive.

Update

2006-09-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

It has been kind of a mixed week. Some things are good and some other things not so good.. Things are OK on the books front. Health has been a mixed bag .. need to work on weight and cholesterol reduction. Also now taking 400 mg .. will try it for 2 more weeks and if fatigue problems are back than doctor has suggested that we will try combo therapy with Zoloft + wellbutrin OR Zoloft + Provigil. Lets see how things go.

Money wise things are also going fine. Stocks have done well so I’m feeling bad that I missed the housing boat .. Need to do some streamlining for the fin investments.

Some of the work stuff at office is becoming difficult. I have to literally drag myself to get it done.

Weekly update

2006-09-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

Went to my doc and expplained that even upto 300 mg of dose is not helping. He wanted to add We or Pr. I checked with him if we can increase the dose upto 400 and that will be the last try. So I am now taking 350 mg which have worked fine so far (ie about a week) infact I am suppose to go on 400 from today if 350 turns out insufficient. However since it feels goo so I will probably continue on 350 for some more time. I hope we will finally put this to an end and I will be able to focus on my activities and interests.

On the home, this Sunday parents went from house. One shud not say this but it seems like bit easier at home now since I am getting some time for my own activities.

Finished Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men.. I am liking his books. They have quick and street English which feels good to me.

I just got this device which will help me in converting my audio cassettes to mp3 files. I am so excited with this prospect. I just installed and tested and it seems to be working great. I am planning to convert all my audio cassettes to digital files. I will finally have full and easy access to some of the rare audios which I had only on cassette. This device will also be useful in future when I stumble upon any interesting audio cassette..

Weekly Update

2006-08-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

It was bit stressful last week. With parents around, son’s troubles and work and fatigue and everything else. I discussed it with N and after that I am feeling little better. Today I am going to see Dr and I believe we have increase the dose since even 300 mg worked only for a week. I am also going to check with him If I can increase within 7 days or 10 days. Let’s hope that it will stop at 400 mg and it will not continue on and on.

I haven’t seen any movies for so long. Waiting for things to settle down and then I will go for some movie. I finished ‘Sweet Thursday’ and now reading ‘Of Mice and Men’. I have got this scrabble game on my mobile and man its so addictive. I have urge to go on and on.. But time is always less…

Anyway better days are ahead and I am expecting a more relaxed and book-ful days ahead …

Update

2006-08-14T14:10:00.000-07:00

Right now I don’t have that much office work so it’s kind of good and bad. Good because no work related stress but bad because its difficult for me to fill my time-sheets. I am reading abha dawesar’s Babyji novel .. its good though there is some overdose of sex and mischief .. also it seems like author’s other novels also have overemphasis on act of passions. Whatever it is atleast Babyji I am going to finish. If not anything else its probably liberating to see an Indian woman like the one portrayed in Babyji.

Last Saturday I went to the book sale and got some nice books for my son and for myself. At this moment I am having quite a books in an ongoing parallel reading here is the list…

The Bookstore Moue

Granta 57 (India Special edition)

Freedom at Midnight

Babyji

Sweet Thursday

There are also atleast 10-20 other pretty interesting books waiting for my reading pleasure.

Update

2006-08-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

It’s kind of a mixed bag here. Parents are here. I have found a good writer in J Steinbeck. I am reading Sweet Thursday now and planning to read Cannery Row and ‘Of Mice and Men’ soon. In terms of work things are going stable. I finished my first toastmaster’s speech and planning to do the next one soon. But I have to keep myself dragged to finish the office. Man I tell you , its tough.

It is sometime difficult to appreciate the philistine/backward activities of my folks. I am kind of in a loose-loose situation and I don’t what is the best way to handle it. Lets see how I manage this thing.

I have to become more strict with my exercise otherwise my tummy is becoming a gas factory. Here also I have to drag myself to do the exercise everyday.

Yellow Lighted Bookshop

2006-07-31T13:58:00.000-07:00

I just read Lewis Buzbee’s book Yellow-lighted bookshop. I liked it a lot. It is his memoirs about bookselling experience and about his book-lust. Book also covers general history of book printing and selling. It’s a nice book written in a simple and cool way. I found a lot of useful bookstore’s names and other tips. Below I am going to record the things which I find useful for myself.

Book-stores (near bay area) ::

- Booksmith (SFO , Haight Ashbury Dist)
-City Lights book store (sfo north beach)
-Black Oak books ( SFO , used books )
-Hicklebee's (San Jose, Children's books)
- Tower Records (Book/Record stores)
-Abebooks.com (website for used book stores)
- B Dalton (San Jose, not sure if it still there)

Book trends/tidbits/books:

- Book Business by Jason Epstein
- A heartbreaking work of staggering genius ( memoirs by Dave Eggers; his magazine McSweeny’s )
- Howl by Alan Ginsberg (first published by Citylights store)
- use of POD (print on demand) technology
- Ulysses by James Joyce (first published by Sylvia Beach’s Paris store Shakespeare & co)
- Don Quixote ( a great book )
- In search of lost time ( Proust)
- The grapes of wrath ( John Steinbeck , the book which started the book disease for Buzbee)
- The Long Valley ( Favorite Steinbeck book for Buzbee)
- Will you be quiet, please (By Raymond Carver)
- The sound and the fury (by William Faukner)
- The Essays of E B White
- Higglety Piggelty Pop by Maurice Sendak
- The Tall Book of Fairy Tales
- Great Children’s stories (Volland edition)
- A Farewell to arms ( E Hemingway)
- Collected Poems of Wallace Stevens
- If on a winter’s night a Traveler ( by Italo Calvino )

Update

2006-07-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

My parents are here now. I am trying to behave as a good boy and keep everything in order at the house.

At office work is going manageable. Because of the parents’ arrival some of my liberties are not available any more and I am running hard-pressed to find any free time. So not much time for reading books etc.

I think its going to be a little difficult one month ahead.

I am pushing my self to get the officework done on time but its quite difficult at time.

This saturady went to a kid’s birthday party with my son. It was fun with some usual little chit chat with other fellow Indians.

Update

2006-07-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

I read the second Dilbert book Dogbert’ Management handbook and it was quite a fun. I loved the Scott Adam has captured the little quirks of office/corporate environment. I am going to finish the third one Dilbert Future soon. I noticed that these kinds of books are making me more cheerful. So I am planning to include humor books in my staple diet of books.

Went to the book sale on jul 8th which has become a monthly ritual for me now. I got some good books for myself, my son and 1 cookbook for my wife.

I started with a new psychiatrist and he seems to be much better than my previous one who was basically useless. He is able to give all the details and answer all my questions. So lets hope that I will be able to streamline things with his help. On the health front things are little mixed and I am little confused about some of my symptoms. It seems to me that a lot of time I am feeling sleepiness, lethargy and very irritable/negative kind of mood and also a very slow working brain with difficulty in concentrating and having the freshness of brain.

On the office front things are going stable. There has been a cust survey which has been so far promising for our group. So hopefully that’s a good sign. At the home front things are pretty good. I have a lot of fun with kids and my wife. My little daughter is generally very cheerful so that makes my day. I joke with my wife that I am getting biased towards her compared to my elder son. My parents are arriving this Sunday. I am hoping that trip will be smoother this time. Last trip when I was in A was disaster on several fronts.

I saw Cars with my son and family. It was OK. I am planning to see Pirates and/or superman alone (if I get the time).

It has been a big tension to get my daughter Indian citizenship application processed. These guys have some weird photo rules. They have rejected my application once saying that photos are over exposed. My photographer tells me that he has never heard such a thing. It took me so much to drag myself get the second version ready. I am sending it this with a lot of prayers. Lets hope it will be accepted this time.

Update (July 1st week)

2006-07-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

I missed updating my blog last week. It has been bit busy in on way or other. I went to the book sale and got the good books. I was very happy when the lady at the register said that she is impressed with my selection of childern’s books. Yesterday got a small gathering of few people from my one of the prev. companies.

Update

2006-06-26T00:19:00.000-07:00

Update

Just came back from LA. It was a nice trip with family. One of my friend’s family also joined us so we had some company also. We cover Disney, universal, queen mary and bit of Hollywood … I drove both way alone which has kind of increased my confidence and it seems like I’m now in a position to handle to trip of about 350 miles in a day.

I have been ‘Conversation with V S Naipaul’ which has a good collection of Naipaul interviews. It’s a very interesting read. Gives a very nice insight into this writer whom I admire greatly and I like his work immensely. It looks Naipaul and Nabokov have become my most favorites and I am planning to explore many of their books soon. I am also planning to complete good books of Rushdie and see if I like him as much as the other two.

Just caught up with office email for last one week. Nothing major. Just some regular stuff and there was some praise for helping in fixing one of the issues. Hopwfully some of these praise mails make things easier to manage at th work front for me.

Update

2006-06-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

Update

After the last few weeks troubles related to fatigue and all the usual stuff , finally I am able to take control of things. Last 3-4 days have been better. I have adopted a new strategy wherein I sleep in the night whenever sleep comes to me rather than specifically going to bed and then trying to sleep. Also morning I am getting up early usually around 7. I realized that even if I am sleeping for 10-12 hrs continuous still I am feeling the fatigue whole day hence I might as well sleep limited hours and see what happens. I guess things are better with this arrangement.

So lets see how this arrangement goes. In the past things have improved but again some setbacks have also come in so sometimes.

I have read few interesting books and also got some nice books from Palo Alto book sale. I am falling in love with the Palo Alto book sale. Especially for A I got a lot of nice children’s books. I got a nice set Dr Seus books for a very cheap price. Also a lot of other interesting children’s books.

I am liking the books of Nabokov , Naipaul more and more. I have read the Lolita and heard the Lolita audiook 2 times. Planning to buy Annotated version of Lolita for my personal collection. Lolita is an absolutely stunning piece of work. Its not a book its like an artwork or sculpture. Nabokov has created a very unique style of prose. Its just amazing. Reading and re-reading Lolita again and again is going to be with me for long.
I recently finished his book Pnin about a Émigré Russian professor who is teaching in US with all his clumsiness and pecularities.

I love Naipaul’s India series books. Those are absolutely great books on India. Truly a classics.

I am reading Da Vinci and Rushdie’s Shame now. Very excited about my book readings.

This weekend there is a book exhibition in San Jose. I am hoping I will be able to attend it on this Saturday. And then we are going to LA for vacation. Planning to see Disney , universal and LA downtown/Hollywood .. Hopefully it will be a great fun. My friend A is coming from Colorado and his family is also going to join us.

Corporate /Management Crap

2006-06-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

Corporate / Management Crap

There is a lot crap and banality going on in our internal meetings here. V has special interest in making useless and crappy discussions full of banality. Also it seems like our boss J is also a big loser. Infact now its becoming more and more clear that J is also a big chootiya if I can use that Hindi term. That’s why he is reling too much on V for useless management crap. If I analyse what V says frankly its biggest bull-shit full of useless statements.

God save us !!!

Cacophony

2006-06-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

Cacophony

This was the Word of the day in the last week’s toastmaster I was attending. Today while driving to work I was playing music of movie Gangster, since music was so groovy and entertaining I increased volume and made it loud and it suddenly stroked me how I used to hear the loud music usually new scores in the Indian streets and how I used to love that noise that cacophony .. How I miss that cacophony here in US.. Its so nice and quite its too quite. Too much of order, no chaos, maybe we need some noise or chaos at times.. in Bombay we have too much chaos and too much noise … probably we need something in between ( looks like I’m getting into usual idealistic/utopian trap ).

It is that cacophony of teeming populations on the Bombay streets that make it a lively and bursting metropolis. Though it can be too much to handle sometimes. Its like you hate and love Bombay at the same time .. Or you love to hate Mumbai…

Man I loved the music of Gangster .. all the tracks in the album are good ..wow .. rarely I find an album with all the good songs .. This one is good .. Way to go Pritam …

Update

2006-06-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

Update

It was bit of a roller caster in last few weeks. But all is well if the end is well. N was quite disappointed and distressed with me. I tried my best to make her happy again. I think she is feeling better about me now but taking good care of N is my topmost priority and will continue to improve in this area.

On the office front things are generally OK but I am not able to be as much as productive as I would like to be and it has been bit tough to remain ahead of my work. It was especially hard to complete to those projects which I do in addition to the regular trouble-shooting work.

I have to give top priority to depression/overall functional level and keep the weight loss/hdl control in the back seat. Because every now and then things are slipping and I have to keep these under control.

Things have been better on the books front. Keeping A excited with all sorts of kids books. Recently got him lots of Eric Carle & Beverly Cleary books. He is doing well and enjoying the reading. I am planning to enroll him (and possibly myself) in the summer reading program.

Recently I went to the library and browsed the full Fiction section and brought some books by Nabokov, Naipul and few assorted unknown writers. It seems like my love for books has not come down and I want to keep things interesting in this front. I want to have a best possible books experience which I can get.

NY Times article about Deliberate Practice

2006-05-24T22:16:00.000-07:00

A Star Is Made

By STEPHEN J. DUBNER and STEVEN D. LEVITT

The Birth-Month Soccer Anomaly

If you were to examine the birth certificates of every soccer player in next month's World Cup tournament, you would most likely find a noteworthy quirk: elite soccer players are more likely to have been born in the earlier months of the year than in the later months. If you then examined the European national youth teams that feed the World Cup and professional ranks, you would find this quirk to be even more pronounced. On recent English teams, for instance, half of the elite teenage soccer players were born in January, February or March, with the other half spread out over the remaining 9 months. In Germany, 52 elite youth players were born in the first three months of the year, with just 4 players born in the last three.

What might account for this anomaly? Here are a few guesses: a) certain astrological signs confer superior soccer skills; b) winter-born babies tend to have higher oxygen capacity, which increases soccer stamina; c) soccer-mad parents are more likely to conceive children in springtime, at the annual peak of soccer mania; d) none of the above.

Anders Ericsson, a 58-year-old psychology professor at Florida State University, says he believes strongly in "none of the above." He is the ringleader of what might be called the Expert Performance Movement, a loose coalition of scholars trying to answer an important and seemingly primordial question: When someone is very good at a given thing, what is it that actually makes him good?

Ericsson, who grew up in Sweden, studied nuclear engineering until he realized he would have more opportunity to conduct his own research if he switched to psychology. His first experiment, nearly 30 years ago, involved memory: training a person to hear and then repeat a random series of numbers. "With the first subject, after about 20 hours of training, his digit span had risen from 7 to 20," Ericsson recalls. "He kept improving, and after about 200 hours of training he had risen to over 80 numbers."

This success, coupled with later research showing that memory itself is not genetically determined, led Ericsson to conclude that the act of memorizing is more of a cognitive exercise than an intuitive one. In other words, whatever innate differences two people may exhibit in their abilities to memorize, those differences are swamped by how well each person "encodes" the information. And the best way to learn how to encode information meaningfully, Ericsson determined, was a process known as deliberate practice.

Deliberate practice entails more than simply repeating a task — playing a C-minor scale 100 times, for instance, or hitting tennis serves until your shoulder pops out of its socket. Rather, it involves setting specific goals, obtaining immediate feedback and concentrating as much on technique as on outcome.

Ericsson and his colleagues have thus taken to studying expert performers in a wide range of pursuits, including soccer, golf, surgery, piano playing, Scrabble, writing, chess, software design, stock picking and darts. They gather all the data they can, not just performance statistics and biographical details but also the results of their own laboratory experiments with high achievers.

Their work, compiled in the "Cambridge Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance," a 900-page academic book that will be published next month, makes a rather startling assertion: the trait we commonly call talent is highly overrated. Or, put another way, expert performers — whether in memory or surgery, ballet or computer programming — are nearly always made, not born. And yes, practice does make perfect. These may be the sort of clichés that parents are fond of whispering to their children. But these particular clichés just happen to be true.

Ericsson's research suggests a third cliché as well: when it comes to choosing a life path, you should do what you love — because if you don't love it, you are unlikely to work hard enough to get very good. Most people naturally don't like to do things they aren't "good" at. So they often give up, telling themselves they simply don't possess the talent for math or skiing or the violin. But what they really lack is the desire to be good and to undertake the deliberate practice that would make them better.

"I think the most general claim here," Ericsson says of his work, "is that a lot of people believe there are some inherent limits they were born with. But there is surprisingly little hard evidence that anyone could attain any kind of exceptional performance without spending a lot of time perfecting it." This is not to say that all people have equal potential. Michael Jordan, even if he hadn't spent countless hours in the gym, would still have been a better basketball player than most of us. But without those hours in the gym, he would never have become the player he was.

Ericsson's conclusions, if accurate, would seem to have broad applications. Students should be taught to follow their interests earlier in their schooling, the better to build up their skills and acquire meaningful feedback. Senior citizens should be encouraged to acquire new skills, especially those thought to require "talents" they previously believed they didn't possess.

And it would probably pay to rethink a great deal of medical training. Ericsson has noted that most doctors actually perform worse the longer they are out of medical school. Surgeons, however, are an exception. That's because they are constantly exposed to two key elements of deliberate practice: immediate feedback and specific goal-setting.

The same is not true for, say, a mammographer. When a doctor reads a mammogram, she doesn't know for certain if there is breast cancer or not. She will be able to know only weeks later, from a biopsy, or years later, when no cancer develops. Without meaningful feedback, a doctor's ability actually deteriorates over time. Ericsson suggests a new mode of training. "Imagine a situation where a doctor could diagnose mammograms from old cases and immediately get feedback of the correct diagnosis for each case," he says. "Working in such a learning environment, a doctor might see more different cancers in one day than in a couple of years of normal practice."

If nothing else, the insights of Ericsson and his Expert Performance compatriots can explain the riddle of why so many elite soccer players are born early in the year.

Since youth sports are organized by age bracket, teams inevitably have a cutoff birth date. In the European youth soccer leagues, the cutoff date is Dec. 31. So when a coach is assessing two players in the same age bracket, one who happened to have been born in January and the other in December, the player born in January is likely to be bigger, stronger, more mature. Guess which player the coach is more likely to pick? He may be mistaking maturity for ability, but he is making his selection nonetheless. And once chosen, those January-born players are the ones who, year after year, receive the training, the deliberate practice and the feedback — to say nothing of the accompanying self-esteem — that will turn them into elites.

This may be bad news if you are a rabid soccer mom or dad whose child was born in the wrong month. But keep practicing: a child conceived on this Sunday in early May would probably be born by next February, giving you a considerably better chance of watching the 2030 World Cup from the family section.

Stephen J. Dubner and Steven D. Levitt are the authors of "Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything." More information on the research behind this column is at www.freakonomics.com.

Weekly Update

2006-05-22T16:53:00.000-07:00

Weekly Update

We had a great trip to Yosemite this week-end. Kids and my wife had lots of fun. Finally my wife is feeling confident about me that I can actually plan and execute the trips in a nice and better experience way. Even after long trips (while going it took almost 7 to 8 hrs due to road diversion ) . Also N fell sick on sat evening so I have to take care of both the kids still I could . So I came out with increased confidence from this trip.

Next month I am planning top take a trip to LA/Disney and I am going to drive to LA and I am feeling confident that I can handle it.

On the health front lets say things are stable. I got rid of that useless psychiatrist and now booking appt with a new one. I am able to control MDD fine but I have to increase the dose and now I am taking slightly more than max dose. If my need kept increasing than I am not sure how I am going to manage it.

Here off-late I have kind of improved my attitude towards money. I am now willing to spend more money for better service and better overall value. So I am spending good amount of money on hotels, trips, books , music etc. This is in direct contrast to typical middle class Indian mentality wherein high priority in terms of spending goes to Big Home, Nice Car, Children’s education , Children’s clothes , children’s theme parks etc. and lesser or no priority is given to spending on hotels, books, music , nature oriented (less kids type) trips etc … A lot of Indians consider spending on these things as waste of money.

So for my LA trip one of my friend’s family is also meeting us at LA. They will be flying from Colorado. He is already worried over spending so much on air fares and then when he sees me spending 130 doll per day on a hotel (just for sleeping) he is not impressed. He has already selected a cheaper hotel for $88 per night. I am little unsure how to handle this situation. I want to avoid a situation where there is some rift becoz of we (or lets say they) opting for different hotel. Lets hope we can handle it in a better way.

I am becoming more regular in writing my English blog. This is making me happy and becoming a nice vent for me. However my Hindi blog is doomed and I haven’t updated it for so long. Part of the reason is that it is very easy to type in English vs typing in Hindi. Anyway if things improve than I will start writing for my Hindi blog soon.

Late weekly update

2006-05-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

Late weekly update

Its Wednesday, I was trying to write since Sunday but finally now got the time. It was relatively less productive last week. I was not able to do be fully active. Somehow lethargy and tiredness had creeped in. It seems like I need to increase the dose of Zoloft. Now I am already at max dose but somehow it seems like I need more so I have increased it to 250 mg. It was showing some improvements yesterday night and today morning. Lets hope that it will stop at this point and it will not keep increasing. I am also starting more social interaction by involving in some activities which have other people as well.

I am attending a speaking seminar every alternate week and also attending library monthly book discussions and in general calling and talking to more near and dear ones.

Otherwise things have been going but for this general decline in everything like health , work, reading due to this lethargy issue.

I am hoping to be more and more active slowly. I have also gathered lot of good reading books and trying to be more organized and more active in general.

Spoke to parents and brother this week. Have sent some money to them. Sex life has definitely improved manifolds , no more PE blues and no more desperation for sex.

More later.

Weekly update

2006-05-08T14:03:00.000-07:00

Weekly update

Initial part of this week went a bit troubled. In general my wife was irritable and grumpy so we had couple of verbal arguments and I was feeling generally hopeless. But eventually on Sunday morning, my wife realized that she is having irritability and mood changes because of her PMS. Thanks to that a better sense prevailed and sanity returned to our house. In the night I was allowed love for which I was kept deprived for more than
a week (which felt like ages). I am hoping for better days ( and more love ) in coming days.

In the health front weight loss progress has again resumed so it’s a good sign. Now my eight is hovering at 175-176 which is the lowest in about 10 years. I am continuing to work on it and bring it down to about 165 in next 2 mnths. Finally I am now able to 34”
Waist pants another after 10 years kind of thing. I was kidding with my wife that if I keep moving in this direction then soon my waist will be 32” probably same or less than her waist. Here are the weight loss progress details.

1.  202 to 192 ( lost 10 lbs between Mar’05 to Jun’06 )
2. --- pleateau ---------    (between Jun’06 to Nov’05)
3.  192 to 180 ( lost 10 lbs between Dec’05 and Feb’06 )
4. ---pleatu ------------      (during Mar’06)
5. 180 to 176  ( lost 4 lbs during April’06)

Future targets

173 by May’end
170 by June’end

---

However news on the cholestral front is mixed. Total and LDL cholestral is within the range but the hdl is low … discussed with the doctor today. I am going to work on the
HDL more rigorously From June once I have achieved the weight target of 170 lbs. Meanwhile I will look at the options for increasing HDL by using fish oil etc…

On the work front things are going stable and I am feeling much more confident than what it was say about a year back.

On the home front also things are improving. We are becoming more organized and more
Productive and trying to spend more time on meaningful and enjoyable things.

Diary

2006-04-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

Things have been improving overall i.e. in all aspects of my life.

Health is stable and somewhat improving. Weight is again under cobtrol and reducing slowly as expected. Depression and activity levels are also quite imroved. Except for an occasional blip of anxiety or panic most of the times things are looking under control.

I am enjoying my ipod music collection. My song colelction is increasing and I am able to enjoy music to its full extent, well almost. I am also enjoying some of the excellent podcasts like twit, npr ones and a few others.. I am also able to rip some good audio books and enjoy them on my ipod.

I am also being more organized thanks to one website rememberthemilk.com and now I am able to focus more time on important stuff.

Also overall our home is becoming more and more like a home. I was just jokingly telling my wife that now our house is fucntional earlier it was more semi-dysfucntional.

I went to the indian dvd store today after a month's gap and picked up some audio cd's and dvd of 'being cyrus'. I was surprised to note that Himesh Reshaammia has suddenly produced a bunch of hit music-tracks and he is all over the place. I had almost written because of his weird comments and obsession with Vinit but he seems to have produced some really catchy and peppy tunes. Good for him.

We have also started using more and more productivity tools to make ourselvs power-users.
I am really enjoying being mopre and more of a pro computer user. Some of the useful apps i use are Firefox & its great extensions, PhotoShop, RoboForm. etc..

With ipod now most of my music is in digital form except for few audio-casettes which IU am planning to transfer to cd soon. My next focus is in digitizing my old photo prints and also make dvd collections of my mini-dv movies.

Other big thing is that we have finalized to go back to india next year. Befor going back to india we want to go and visit some remaining us sights(LA,NY,Hawaii, Yellowstone etc)...I am improving in my trips planning and exceution. Our last trip to reno/tahoe with my in-laws was a great success.

More next sunday.

Update after a long tme

2006-04-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

It has been long since I have written my blog. I want to make it atleast a weekly affair. Lets try to summarise the things which have happened so far.

Health : Overall progress has been quite good and encouraging. My weight is now hovering at around 176 lbs compared with 192 lbs abt 10 mnths back. I am to wear waist 36 pants instead of 38 now. Infact today I was even able to wear a 34 waist pant which has made me really happy. I have two 34" pants. I am going to wear one of these tomorrow to office and it would make me feel great. I should be giving some kind of party to my wife soon about my waist finally becoming 34". With this I am at the last leg of my weight reduction. I need a further reduction of about 10 to 15 lbs to make my weight reduction project complete. After that I just need to maintain it at the same level.

Family: Overall things have been going very well. Our newborn daughter(now 6 mtnhs) is doing very well. She has given least amount of trouble comparing to our older son. She sleeps well, eats well and gives least amount of trouble. I am able to spend more quality time with family and also able to enjoy various fun activities like sight-seeing , eating out , movies etc.. I was telling my wife that due to my trouble our family had almost become semi-dysfunctional. However now our family is looking really functional.

With more shopping , more family time etc my wife is also finally getting more happiness and she is slowly beleiving in me.

Work: Things have been kind of stablle at my new employer which is a big company. I was rated average for my last year's 4 months. So I need to put a little extra effort and visibilty fraud to make my image as above average.

Books: Things have been going well in Books front as well. I have been better in reading books and finishing my books. I have read following books in last 6 months.

- Lolita
- Various books abt books
- Saved by the light (abt near death exeperience)
- don't sweat the small stuff
- Bill Gates biography

I have also discovered the usefulness of audiobooks. I got the lolita audiobook and have ripped it in my ipod and have listen to more than half of it and its such a great pleasure. I am falling in love with Nabokov's style of word usage he is like an artist in terms of usage of English vocabulary. I am going to listen to Lolita quite a few times. I have also planned to buy annonated lolita book so that I can read the explanation of various french passages in the book. I have also got few more audiobooks (the lord of rings,romeo juliet, much ado about nothing, 1984, a tale of two cities). I am ripping these books on ipod. I have a feeling all the classics and some other difficult books which I could never read due to various reasons, I will finally be able to savour these books thru audiobooks.

I have also started going to Palo Alto book sale since last two months and it has been generally pretty good. Last time I quite a few children's book for my son and also some cookbooks for my wife. I am planning to go to this sale whenever possible.

General: Overall my activity levels are improving. Confidence in doing various things is also improving. I am also being a better organizer and my life is becoming clutter-free slowly slowly. With being more organized I am able to monitor, track and plan my tasks more effectively using one website. I have made a weekly task for writing my blog. This will be quite helpful for me.

I have been also using Podcasts quite effectively from my ipod and it has been a great pleasure and learing to listen to some top podcasts. There are so many very good and high quality podcasts available for free.

Will try to keep this blog regularly updated.

I am out of this shit

2005-08-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

Wednesday is my last day at this shitty client. I am feeling free and relieved. It was extremely hectic and stress project work for me at this client location. Client was very demanding and wanted to squeeze the blood out of me.

Fortunately I got this new job offer and now I am out of this shit. Its good that I got that this job in right time otherwise these guys were almost considering me as a Cheap Indian Labour who will never leave since I am locked for my green card. But since green card is not necessarily a must for as I might go back India. Also my new company is agreeing to sponsor my green card after few months.

Actually coming to think of it I would have let my job long time back. Only reason I did not venture out and search for jobs was because of my long Fatigue problem which had reduced my productivity and efficiency significantly and hence I was not getting very aggressive about my career and for a high paying job.

But now it looks like I have regained my life ( thanks to the medicine Zoloft ) and I am feeling very active and also I have landed with a great job which pays me a lot better. So I am really very very excited and feeling very happy.

Its a new Beginning

2005-08-26T23:53:00.000-07:00

Its been long since I have written on my blog. Just now downloaded Blogger for Word tool and writing my updates for last few weeks.

Things have finally become very good for me. My 13 yrs old fatigue which had limited my life in many ways has been finally controlled. It seems like I have Clinical Depression and Zoloft is helping me a lot . My activity levels have increased significantly. Which I am able spend a very happy personal and professional life. In some ways I have almost regained my life. My wife is very happy since I am able to finally give her a good companionship. I don’t know how she managed for the last eight years with me. I always tell her that if it would have been some other woman then she would have definitely left me by this time.

I also got a new job offer from a big company. So I have resigned my Indian Outsourcing company and in the process I am also getting relieved from a difficult client and a stressful and hectic job.

Hopefully this improved activity levels should make my blog updates more and more frequent.

Overall I am feeling a lot better these days and looking forward to my new life and new job.

Appraisal time

2005-05-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

Its appraisal time in opur company. As usual everybody is seriously looking forward to a great rating and a significant raise , specially the folks in India are quite aggressive. Many have plans to quit the company if they are not given the expected raise. So they are getting their resumes updated and searching for alternative offers just in case if they dont get the required stage.

Being in US , naturally for the last two years onsite consultants have not been given much raise ( avg 3%) whereas in the same two years in India average salary raise has been abt 12% per year.

I have become quite detached with the appraisal process. Last two years I did not had proper appraisals. This year also more than me it was my supervisor who was trying to get me appraised. Naturally I am not expecting much raise this year also. I was just thinking that what is the reason that i am being so detached with this important thing. Part of the reason is that the deep down I have this feeling that I am jsut somehow managing the job and taking short-cuts here and there. Also my priority is to have a peaceful and less stressful job even if it means less money sometimes.

However I would like to make a point that I am not detached from money or I dont have any spiritual notions about money. Infact like everyone else I would love to have loads of money so that I can feel financially secure. So If by anychance I get any extra money in raise that will be definitely make me happy. But If I do not get any raise then I will still be OK.

ipod and other updates

2005-04-10T19:33:00.000-07:00

I recently bought an IPOD photo 30 GB and I am very happy with it. I am listening to music at any available time. I have arranged for a large music collection and now I am trying to sort and organize everything properly. Planning to buy a FM transmitter for my IPOD soon so that I can hear my ipod in the car as well as in my home theater. It seems like a very useful and must gadget for all the music lovers. Though it might look bit expensive but seems to be worth paying the price.

I haven't written in my blog for quite some time. Mainly I was sucked in the work. Becuase of onshor offshore co-ordination I have to work in the night as well. While for part of it I can blame my claim my client also and for part of it I can blame my health which for some unknown keeps making me tired all the time. I was so angry and frustrated with my client that I was abusing them in my thoughts.

Incidently my client counterpart is a chinese and an indian. Though I am myself an indian but I was telling myself that I never want asians as my boss or my customer However I would love to have them as my sub-ordinates or as my vendors. I know its not necessarily true but when you are not feeling than all sort of irritating thoughts come in your mind many of which you know are not correct but you just want to vent out your anger / frustration.

Friday I was quite depressed in the afternoon and almost had a fight with client. Though I was right but I was getting irritable , grumpy and hence out of control. Somehow I need to learn the art of taking thin

In between I was again thinking again on whether to settle down here in US or go back to India. Somehow I am not getting any clarity. Though my wife is absolutely clear that she will love to go back to India at any given time. I am not very sure of myself. One of the main reason is my own tiredness which makes life in India very very exhausting and demanding for me. However in US offlate I am not feeling as part of culture. Somehow I am feeling detached in US.

It seems to me that whether I am in US or in India I am going face some kind of trouble then might as well go back to India. Atleast my wife will be very happy and also it might appearing like I am showing a positive attitude towards life by keeping a fighting spirit alive. Whatever happens I am going to make a final decision by the end of this year. Once we make our plans clear next thing I will be doing will be to buy a house wherever I am.

Sometimes I am feeling to take a sabbatical of 1 or 2 years and completely go away from hectic corporate life and start living a very simple and easygoing life somewhere.

Living on the edge

2005-02-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

I have been living dangerously with my career for long. As far as I can think I have been living on the edge since my high school days. Everything has been done with a feeling of being overwhlemed as if I have to somehow finish it. There has been a permanent lethargy attached in my life-style.

For example take my career, I am in IT for last 12 years + 4 years of engineering . Even after such a hard core experience I have never done a proper and serious study of either general IT concepts nor of my specific areas where I specialize. Somehow I have been managing either by reading about a required topic only in the last minute or by somehow resolving a bad work situation.

Even during my 4 years of college I did very little studies and somehow managed to pass out, possibly because, in our engg. college, generally nobody was failed and passing rate was as high as 90-95%.

As for as I can think major reason seem to be my health which seems to be making me always tired and lethargic. Or maybe it started with my health and then it became my attitude / mental block or vice-versa. My wife thinks its all in my head and its my laziness only. At times I have to literally drag my body and myself to do something.

In spite of all the shrtcomings, I guess what has kept me going is basically my good general , analytical and trouble-shooting skills , soft and easygoing nature and support of my wife.

Its good that I am only an software engineer. If I would have been a doctor I would have been a major disaster. I dont know what kind of troubles I would have caused.

Anyways things are slowly and gradually improving though somehow I am feeling that pace of improvement is either very slow or many times it is 10 steps ahead then 10 steps behind. A part of me has become permanently skeptical.

With trial and error and learning from my expereiences, I am getting to know how to maximise my efficiency and enjoyment within the my limitations.

Quite a few things are helping me overall. Things like light and un-stressful job , general reduced expectation level , tennis , blogging , spending time with my family , reading , music etc are helping me.

So far I am quite happy with this blogging habit as it is helping me in creating a interesting habbit. It is also giving me a feeling of satisfaction since I am feeling happy that I am writing something. I have always admired writing as a great art. Also blog is becoming an outlet for me to vent out my pent-up feelings which makes me feel light.

Tennis , Australian Open , Sania

2005-01-27T10:32:00.000-08:00

I am enjoying the Australian open matches, whichever I am able to see. I am not able to watch all the matches since this new project does not have any time flexibility and combined with atleast 2-3 hours of commuting and 9-10 hours of rigorours office work, my weekdays are ruined and I am left with very little time for other activities on week-days.

Like today I want to desperately watch replay of Federer-Safin match but its only coming in noon time. What a match it was. Finally the invincible looking Federer has been defeated. It must be a big blow for him. But hey safin did a great job by winning this 4.5 hours long match. Another interesting match was Maria sharapova vs Serena. What a match, specially in the last set, both Maria and Serena were playing like do or die with all their adrenaline rushing.

Not to forget our own Hyderabadi potti Sania who created a sensation among indians by winning first two rounds of the open and then played a solid match with Serena in the third round. For few days indians and indian media was just talking about her. Hopefully she will create some more great histories for Indian tennis. Sania's performance will also boost prospects of tennis in India.

I am missing my previous project days when I had completely flexible timing and very little work to do. That time I was able to watch all my favorite matches and spend lots and lots of time on the net and lots and lots of time with family. Now it has become a struggle to gtet some free on weekdays. Next weekend I am shifting to very near to my new project location so I will be able to save the commute time.

Work at the new project

2005-01-10T20:49:00.000-08:00

From last 3-4 weeks I have started going to my new project. It takes about 1 hour each way in commuting. Some days I am taking and some other days it is train + car-pooling from there. This is becuase 3 days in week I dont have car available to me as my wife has to drop our son to school.

So I have decided to move from easy bay to my project location near san jose by Feb 1st week. It will be a lot more fun then as I will be able to reach office by 5 minutes walk. Which means I will be saving atleast 2 hours in commuting everyday.

At office work is going on ok. This project is kind of balanced. We have enough work for 8 hours but I dont have to overwork. So far I have been able to establish myself well on the project. It seems like project will go reasonably long atleast till this year-end so I guess things should be stable for some time.

My PM / PD is M. He is a nice guy but sometimes make illogical arguments. P is as usual fine. I helped P in locating a house. Other guys A , m & v are also nice. So team work is happening in a team fashion.

Tsunami Tragedy

2004-12-29T21:01:00.000-08:00

Usually I do not bother much about the news on my blog. But looking at the scale of devestation and loss of human lives caused by Tsunami, its just so heart-wrenching. I pray for all the people and families affected by this large scale natural disaster.

Update

2004-12-27T22:42:00.000-08:00

From last week onwards I have been shifted to a new project and now I have to commute for abt 1 hour each way. Earlier I was so clsoe to office that I used to walk also timings were very flexible and workload was quite less. But apart from commuting , workload is also full and pretty much there is no flexible timing. So my two years peace has been broken.

So far I am coping fine with the nightmares of this new project. We are also considering to move out from our current rented apartment and move near my new project location. Till we shift to the new place I am working out some car-pooling arrangement.

There was call from India and my father had a relapse of chest-pain, 6 years after he had gone thru heart by-pass surgery. I spoke to him and my brother about it over the week-end. Again my nostalgic feelings were triggered and I felt like leaving US and going back to India for good. I am still having confusion about whether to make US as final settlement place or go back to India.
I spoke to my friend A who was planning to go back to India but now plans to postpone it for some time as he wants to spend a year in Europe and then go back to India for good after covering his world tour.

Otherwise thinks are going fine. I am also getting quite active in writing my Hindi blog.

Book Review :: Amway the cult of free enterprise by Stephen Butterfield

2004-12-18T13:42:00.000-08:00

Though its a pretty old book but I read it recently only after my oh-not-so-good experience with quixtar/bww.

It is a very sophisticated , subtle and detailed account of problems within the amway and its related organization. We left the bww/quixtar during our first year itself so we did not get a first hand view of what goes at leadership or slighlty higher-up levels. Since author has a very extensive and long experience with Amway, book successfully exposes even the most minute and most subtle problems within Amway. Some of these are not so obvious to the newbie ibo's or prospects.

Book covers both the micro and macro level happenings. At the obvious level things like day to day activities , mechanics , prospecting etc. are covered. At a more subtle level things like cultish activities , systematic manipulation and parsitical nature of earnings etc. are covered well. Book is written in very readable style and is also filled with some humoristic, insightful and very subtle and mature observations.

Overall I would strongly recommend this book to anyone interested in knowing about Amway/ Quixtar and its related entities.

Depressed

2004-12-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

I was quite depressed yesterday from afternoon onwards. I beleive following are the reasons for this depression.

- I had started a mild dose of anti-depressants for last 3-4 days this might have caused it
- In my current job my interaction with people has reduced significantly which seems to have caused aloofness.
- In my current job workload has reduced significantly which means I have a lot of free time which is causing depression sometimes.
- Being new in US , our socialisation is limited which also might have increased the trouble.

Anyway I am feeling alot better now.

Book Review :: Maximum city Bombay lost and found by Suketu Mehta

2004-12-09T20:10:00.001-08:00

When I was a teen-ager growing up in a small sleepy town in UP, I had a romantic notion about bombay. Whenever Bombay's name used to come, there used to be a special smile on my face. During my engineering I chose bombay as the location for my summer training and immediately after completing my engineering I landed in bombay. After my initial struggle, which lasted for about 6 months I landed with a good job with accomodation from day one. Thus started my initial honeymoon with Bombay. I can describe my initial romantic affair with following verse

न जाने क्या बात है , बम्बई तेरे शबिस्तां में
कि हम शामे-अवध और सुबहे-बनारस छोड़ के चले आये

( I don't know what attracted me to your bed-chamber Bombay,
that I left the evening's of Awadh and the mornings of Benaras to come to you )

As I spent 3-4 years in bombay slowly my dream went sour and I started hating bombay for all that crowd , filth , pollution , human degradation , money hungry people , crime etc. Even though I hate bombay now, a part of me still feels some kind of a special attachment to it, its almost like your first romatinc affair which you can never forget.

Initially i faced struggle for six months for getting a job and a shelter in my dream city.I was staying at one of my relatives' apartment quite far from bombay and used to take daily commuting trains. Initially train commuting used to feel like a thrill with Bhajan singing people, people playing cards when there is no space even for standing , people reading newspapers or solving crosswords etc. But eventually very thought of riding in a local train used to scare me to death.

In the book suketu has covered his various encounters with people from different walks of life and parallely described his own years spent in bombay. Book successfully protrays a very correct view of bombay full of criminals , dance-bar girls , film people , police , businessmen and everyday people. It might be an eye-opener for even many long time residents since many of them wont be aware of various different things which bombay means to various different people. Certainly there is no such thing as one bombay. Within a bombay there are various different bombay coexiting with each other and sometimes one not realising the presence of another.

There are several interesting people's stories in the book for example Bar Dancer girl Honey who is actually a happily married male. Encouters with gangsters and sharp-shooters of Dawood's and other gangs are very daring efforts by Suketu. Book is filled with very lively true stories.

Overall a very readable and highly recommended book for anyone interested in knowing about bombay or Mumbai.

Should we go back to India?

2004-12-09T13:21:00.000-08:00

Every now and then this question is being discussed in my household. My wife , near and dear ones all want to come back to India. I am the only one who seems to prefer to remain here though sometimes I am not sure what exactly do I prefer. Somehow I am not getting a clarity of thinking about which way to go.

I came to US for some awkward reason. Not the usual reasons like greener pasteurs , land of opportunity , more money etc. It was mainly because my health was not feeling well so i thought it will be tough for me in india hence i decided for remaining abroad for long time. Also I am missing the colorful and chaotic life of India. Things in US are bit too simplified and organised. Also none of my relatives live here so we kind of feel nostalgic about back home.

Since my health has started improving, I am feeling more and more confident about going back to India. Also in the meanwhile things in India have transformed dramatically with all the job growth and economic growth. So at this stage odds are becoming higher about my going back to India. In any case within next 1 or 2 years I am going to make a final settlement either in US or in India.

Relation with L

2004-12-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about my relationship with L. He is almost 9 yrs junior to me in work. I was respponsible for their training and initial grooming at work in india then I had come to US. He had also come here sometime back. He is a very good tennis player so about 2-3 months back I had also started playing with me. But his tennis level is abt 5 whereas mine is abt 3. Initially he was quite enthusiatic to coach and help me in learning tennis. But now he avoids me. Now I have managed to find some new people as my tennis partners but I was kind of taken aback by his u-turn.

I can understand that because of our level gap we can not play much together but I was thinking that we can play atleast once in a week. Also I found that because of our age gap it was it was becoming an asymmetric relationship wherein I was able to say everything openly and frankly but he was not telling his thoughts to me frankly. Because of this asymmetry I have decided that I will not be calling him much since this does not seem to be a two-way equal or symmetrical relationship. I will leave it to him to come to me and tell whatever he wants.

L is generally a nice guy so I am sure he does not have any mean intentions. So I will still considers him as good and nice acquaitance and we will generally be nice to each other.

Writing after two weeks

2004-12-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

There was a lull in writing and I have not written anything for last two weeks. I dont know somehow I have these spells of a sudden interest in an activity and then in between spells of complete lack of interest in that. However I am hoping that this bad fate will not happen to my blog writing. This was what had affected my effort to learn indian classical music and urdu script.

Here in office things have become quiter though the take-over threat is still looming. In between my company had arrnaged an interview with a client and seems like I have been positioned there as a consultant. As such work in my current role has reduced quite significantly but having been spoiled by this not working I am kind of trying in this project as long as possible. I have all the comforts write now. My commute is just 10 minutes walk, work load is just 30% of full work and role is quite comfortable without any direct reporting or direct delivery and office hours are upto me. Some people might complain in such situations that their job is not challenging or interesting but I am thoughly enjoying this and spending more time on my interests like book reading , internet browsing and now this blog writing. So I am avoiding a direct discussion with my marketing guy if I need to do the new project as additional role or will it be 50-50 or something else.

At home things are going fine. My son is enjoying his pre-school and wife is also fine but every now and then she is missing india a lot so keeps saying that we shud go back to india. Also spoke to mother & mother-in-law in india, they are also insisting that we should come back to india.

With improved health, I am able to read more and more books and also do office and home activities more cheerfully.

Sin City

2004-11-28T21:35:00.000-08:00

Just came back from Vegas trip during Thanksgiving week. It was a great fun for 3 days. It is famous as Sin City. Even though its named as Sin City it seemed like one of the best places on earth. It was full of tourists and visitors. Everybody was having some party or fun there. It felt like there is more enjoyment and contentment in sin city than at any sacred place.

Each hotel had casinos , booz , shows and sights. Each hotel was trying to attract visitors hence they had theme based buildings , shows , gardens , mueseums , malls etc. Even though its more designed for adult entertainment there is still plenty of fun for family. Naturally we did not indulge in any sinful ( apart from little bit of gambling ) activities and mainly did family activities. My son and wife both had great fun.

All in all LV was a great place. As they say that love it or hate it but don't miss it.

We also took a bus tour to Grand Canyon - West Rim. It was a great site. This part of the canyon was privately owned by Hualapai Indian reservation.

Jakir Hussain / AA Khan concert

2004-11-22T15:44:00.000-08:00

Saturday I went to Jakir Hussain / AA Khan concert. Ali akbar khan did not come because of his illness. So first half was Raaga Bihag by his 22 yrs old son Alam Khan and accompanied by Jakir Hussain on Tabla. I enjoyed this alot and Jakir's tabla was too good. I can not comment too much on subtleties of the Raaga or how Alam played it but it was very enjoyablle.

Second half was Tabla solo by Jakir Husain and there was another artist named Kala Ramnath who was playing on Violin. She played Raaga Rageshwari in Teen-taal, well thats what what she said I myself can not differntiate between raagas and taals. Jakir played so many tabla compositions like Qaeda ,Phuljhadi , Lal Qila , Shankh etc. Before each he nicely explained the situation and visualisation and any other background info. That helped a lot in understanding exactly what is being performs. Some of the compositions were based on animals , horse running , train , motorcycle , traffic jam , conversation etc. So we could actually hear the sounds from tabla as if horse is running or as if people are talking or as if train is going or as if Deer is running or as if lion is roaring. It was a blast. That tabla performance from Jakir was ultimate.

I fully enjoyed those 3 hours in San Jose Civic Auditorium.

Weekend update

2004-11-22T15:38:00.000-08:00

I have got good response for my tennis classified so I am booked for tennis today and tomorrow. It seems I will now be able play tennis quite regularly. Yesterday I went alone and practised Serves alone. Tennis is becoming more and more enjoyable for me. Even when I am playing alone I seem to be enjoying.

Saturday night I went to Jakir Hussain / Alam Khan concert and it was a great expereince. By sunday I finished the Amway the cult of free interprise book. It has some very thoughtful, subtle and correct observations which will usually be missed by anyone who observes the amway business from outside or by someone who is new to business.

In the company of Indians

2004-11-22T15:06:00.000-08:00

Saturday we went one friend's daughter's birthday party. It was good to meet friends and some new people. However because of so many people at the same place discussion was more cursory and formal in nature. I somehow seem to be preferring having just 2-3 people at home or in any meeting as that gives alot more opportunity for a proper discussion.

Another problem is topics chosen for the discussion. Most of my indian friends are generally NOT at all well read. Most of the times they have mainly read the technical books and some mainstream us/indian news. Discussion usually involves some standard current affairs and one's own office related stuff and some general shit about IT industry and how indians are doing in US. It usually lacks a sense of humour , candid-ness and in-depth insight and usually its full of banalities.

What I am looking for is someone who is interested in discussing about books , music , some lighter jokes/poetry , some humourous incidents/anecedotes , vivid descriptions of peculiar places or people , any adventurous trip , any open / frank discussion on sex etc... but offlate I am finding it more and more difficult to find such people whose company I can really enjoy. Part of the problem has been my own health which forced me to cut down on drinks , sports and other active socialisation. With my improving health I am starting more tennis and trying to get the company of some interesting people.

Part of the reasons many indians have lost their sense of humour is probably because of language mess. Most of the indians know hindi or some other indian language and have good fluency in english as conversational language. However their english lacks spontaniety , sense of humour , naturalness , idiomatic uses etc and many of them still think in indian language and then translate it in English or their english sounds too simple and it lacks subtle nuances. Similarly many of them dont have full command on their language as well. For example many of them can just speak hindi or watch hindi movies and listen hindi songs. They dont read or write or regularly use their indian language so their command and native language is also lost. So on the one hand they might know multiple languages but on the other hand they dont have real mastery on any language.

My own language scenario is bit messy and my English is quite simple and plain. My Hindi is slighlty better and I can speak chaste and idiomatic Hindi with hopefully good sense of humour and interesting phrases. I regulary read hindi books and write diary in Hindi. However for the last 10-12 years with my increased presence in english dominated work and countries I am kind of losing touch with Hindi sometimes.

Friday Diary

2004-11-19T23:05:00.000-08:00

So the news is out and its not necessarily a good news. However there should be still enough time to see.

I have some more responses for tennis partners. So I will be able to play tennis quite regularly.

Instead of low-carb and high protein diet what is working better for me 5 to 6 mini meals and health carb/fat and modest amount of proteins and avoidance of simple carbs , bad fats , big sized meals , high carbs food etc. I have also stopped taking metformin and started more walking. Hopefully now I should be able to control my fatigue and achieve weight loss only with the help of diet and exercise. Weight Loss progress has slowed down. Right now it is hovering around 179 pounds which means I have lost only about 2-3 pounds in last one month. So I am now targetting weight of 175 by End-Dec and 170 lbs by Mid-Feb. Lets see how the progress goes.

Sent my visa renewal forms to our admin office. Somehow I fell overwhlemed by these visa or other govt. activities which require collection of all sort of documents which involves going thru so many different deptts.

Have got a reading desk and now I am using our walk-in closet as study room as we have kept both the bookshelf and the reading desk in this walk-in closet.

Today's diary

2004-11-18T22:46:00.000-08:00

I did get a nice tennis partner from Craigslist ad and we played together today. It seems like we might be able to play everyday on the weekday. My place is midway for him so he is able to avoid peak-time traffic in evening and for me its in my own town. So its like win win for both of us. Lack of tennis play was making me bored and grumpy. After playing tennis today I was feeling more relaxed.

This takeover saga is reaching it grand finale tomorrow. We will know on tomorrow night what exactly happens.

Saturday I am planning to go to A A khan concert. It should be very enjoyble.

I had better discussions with G in India. I was feeling more relaxed after my tennis play today.

Today's diary

2004-11-17T21:50:00.000-08:00

There was a lull in my writing blog and I somehow did not write the blog in last few days. So I am back again.

We are planning to go Vegas/Grand Canyon during the Thanksgiving weekend. This should be very exciting.

At office things are going fine. There are some usual billing issues. Everyone is looking forward to coming takeover and see whether it happens are not.

I am having slight confusion in deciding what is the best diet for me. I tried atkins but excessive protein is making me pass abnoxious wind all the time. It became embarassing sometime. I am now having the regular diet with mid-moring and mid-afternoon snacks and avoid bad fat and bad carbs. Hopefully soon I will find the right and optimal diet for myslef.

I put ad in Craigslist to get some tennis partner. I have got one response so far. Lets see how this works out.

Just got a reading desk for myself. Hopefully this will make my reading more organised. Right now I am reading 'South Beach Diet' , 'Amway the cult of free enterprise' and a low blood sugar book. I have no discipline/patieance when I am reading books. I am usually reading 3-4 books in parallel. I am sure many people must be doing the same thing.

Called all the family and relatives in India during Diwali time. As usual mother and sister was insisting that I should come back to India for good.

Watched 'Veer- zaara' during the Diwali. It was OK. Wife liked it very much. She likes the YR movies and general family/emotional movies.

Everytime I talk to G in India about I seem to be losing my control. She seems to be more interested in continously defending her position rather than thinking on how to fix it. Bloody Bitch !!

Today's diary

2004-11-09T22:36:00.000-08:00

L came to meet me today. His project is finishing in next few weeks so he is bit concerned specially since our company does not pay on bench.

In office I spent more time on blog and other things then on the work.

Beleive it or not I have found some good use for my bww/quixtar tapes. They are helping me in falling asleep quickly and helping my insomnia.

Today's diary ( Mon 8th Nov )

2004-11-08T22:52:00.000-08:00

I could not sleep well last night so the whole day I was feeling tired and depressed. Even now I dont feel like writing but at the same time I am also not feeling like sleeping. Because of my condition I was feeling quite grumpy. I was quite snappy while talking to G abt Bi issues in India. I gues she felt little bit taken aback. 2-3 days back I started taking small dose of anti-dperessent and thats what seems to have caused these problems. Though I have stopped it now but it takes few days for withdrawl symptoms to go away.

Told wife to ignore if she finds me more irritable in next few days.

Just read few pages from Dr. Laura's book Woman Power. This is second part to her first book
" How to take care of your husband" or something like that. In a way found it interesting as gives a very interesting idea that there is nothing wrong in woman taking care of his man and it does not mean she submitting to her man. Man always need support of some women , in the beginning it is their mother then it is their girl-friends and wife later on. I think a lot of so called modern thinking intellactual women have got this wrong and they are not taking proper care of their husband and family. They think giving care to their husband and kids make them week. Whereas it might be their strength.

today's update ( sun 7th nov)

2004-11-07T10:23:00.000-08:00

I was feeling bit bored in the morning since I could not find anyone to play tennis. We went to see 'Incredibles' today. Movie was good though my son could not enjoy much.

Read few chapters of hindi book 'Darshan Digdarshan' by Rahul Sankratayan. It has intersting chronicle of european, islamic and indian philosophy. During the reading of the book I found that urdu word 'aflatoon' is used for Philospher Plato. I never knew this thing.

Talked to G in India about usual billing issues.

daily dose ( Sat 6th Nov )

2004-11-06T22:44:00.000-08:00

today's update :: -

Office :: I love weekends and all the days when there is no office. I remember few of my friends / colleagues who find it difficult to stay at home and they try to kill their time by coming to office. What a horrible idea it is to come to your work to kill your time.

General :: went to library with son. I am ready to go to library at any given time. Finished reading of 'Merchants of Deception'. It was an eye opener. I had some ideas about the various problems in amway/quixtar/bww business but I was never about the full extent/scale of problems.

Daily dose (friday nov 5th)

2004-11-06T20:59:00.001-08:00

today's update ::

Office :: In the night talked to G in india. She was talking some billing issues. In the daytime I was working mainly on some tech. issues.

-General :: Have re-started taking metformin since it seems like diet and exercise alone are not fully helpful.

-Personal :: Weight loss is progressing well

daily dose ( Thursday 4th Nov)

2004-11-04T13:21:00.000-08:00

today's update ::

Office :: Nothing special. some usual shit abt bi and inf issues.

General :: Went to gym in the evening. Planing to do either tennis or gym everyday.

Personal :: we had a good session in the night.

today's update

2004-11-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

I am starting to closely monitor what I am eating. Also since I am not able to play tennis everyday. I am going to go to gym on the days when there is no tennis. So everyday I will have either tennis or gym.

In the nightly call with I, there were usual updates from the managers. About the possible takover , A mentioned that it might not happen since other company is just trying to adopt a graceful exit strategy.

today's update

2004-11-02T21:24:00.000-08:00

In office I was mainly busy in working on billing sheets. Continue to read 'Merchants of deception'.

Though weight loss progress and activity levels are good in the new diet, but it seems like I still need to be careful with certain foods as I am having excessive wind sometimes. So I will start writing my daily list of what I ate. One of the culprit is probaly egg.

Today's diary

2004-11-01T22:59:00.000-08:00

Looks like nobody is as keen on playing tennis as myself. Its becoming difficult to get new partners for tennis. If it continues like that then I might have to give a classified in Craigslist.

Looks like a momentum is gaining on the internet wherein several blogs exposing quixtar and its related businesses have come up. These blogs are attracting a good number of audiences and regular no. of hits.

In yesterday's one of the friend's son's party, one friend asked if I have lost the weight. I could not control my happiness and informed people that indeed I have lost good amount of weight. However I did not tell the full story that I was using Atkins type diet and playing tennis. I just told them that I am playing tennis regularly. Probably wanted to keep things simple and avoid too much queries like what exactly is Atkins diet? Does it really work? Is it approved etc. So in a way I succeeded in keeping things simple.

I am almost feeling sleepy now. More later.

nightly diary

2004-10-30T23:44:00.000-07:00

Right now listening to music of 'Veer-zaara' . It was interesting to listen to second cd which describes how the tunes originally created by late Madan Mohan have been recreated and created into new songs. I am going to listen to this cd again and again as this gives some insight into how tunes are made and then how the lyrics are fitted into the tunes. I was always very interested in music but however somehow always found it difficult to appreciate subtle nuances of music. Infact I dont basics like what is a Sur , Taal , Laya , Raaga etc? Why a particular song is based on a particular raaga? Today also bought cd of 'Dhoom' which also has very good tunes.

Today we went to Great America and it had diwali celebration also. It was packed with people that is why it was taking close to an hour to get a good ride. However A enjoyed it also I was feeling generally cheerful becoz of my improved health. In the evening there were fire-works. On the way we did grocery shopping at Bharat bazzar then dinner at Lovely and on return did some shopping at wal-mart.

Tomorrow planning to play tennis with L. It shud be interesting. A has started taking Golf lessons. Many people say that deals are not made in meetings or in board-rooms but in golf courses.

Reading of 'Merchants of deception' is continued . It is like a page-turner. Even N is engrossed in it.

today's diary

2004-10-30T13:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday downloaded 'Masters of Deception' book by John Jacob about the world-wide faruds conducted by Amway/Quixtar and its affiliated Motivational Organizations. It is a very chilling account of how educated/intelligent people are systematically manipulated by Amway/quixtar motivational systems. Having myself been duped by bww system of quixtar I found many parts of the book as my personal story.

Today we will be going to Great America park for Diwali festival celebrations. I am sure it will be a great fun and specially A will like it.

With improving activity levels I am able to read more and more books and accomplish a lot more work than I was able to do earlier. I have never felt so happy, calm and composed. Everything is appearing easy and smooth. Weight loss is happening gradually as expected.

I have booked for Ali Akbar khan concert coming up on Nov 20. I am sur it will be a great expereience.

Overall I am enjoying this whole blogging experience. Its a great outlet for pouring out my feelings and also to express one's writing and creative skills. I am also planning to create my Hindi blog soon.

So far my blogging has been more like writing diary in nature. Soon I am planning to start writing articles on topics of my interests or things which have kept me puzzled. I am sure it will be really exciting.

I am also reading some Deepak Chopra's books and they seem to be quite interesting and thought provoking.

Yesterday's nightly diary

2004-10-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

Finally went to play tennis yesterday. Its always fun to play tennis regularly. Have checked with P for playing and he is ok with that. So I guess I should now have more tennis partners and hopefully I can have more varied tennis.

High protein/low-carb diet is working better than my earlier regular indian style diet. Planning to continue this for some time. Weight reduction pac has slow down which is probably because that now I am left with last 10-15 pounds which I need to loose to have fully normal weight.

Office things are going as usual. I have started interacting with more and more people in office and outside as well. Yesterday went out for lunch with J which was quite interesting. In yestereday's Offshore call it seems like not much new recruiting will happen at I. However A was desperatelty trying to play it down.

Activity levels have improved however progress of weight loss has slowed down , probably it is because of last few pounds to be reduced. Currently weight is hovering around 181 pounds.

Shaan in concert

2004-10-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

Last sunday ( 24th Oct. ) we went to Shaan's concert at Los altos Hills. It was organised by Bengali Association ''Sanskriti". It was packed with people. With great difficulty we got two tickets.

But what a fantastic concert it was. Shaan is full of energy and vigour. He is also extremely friendly and easily accessible. He shook hands with almost everybody and called all the kids on the stage so our son also went on the stage.

He sang almost all his filmi and album songs and also sang some old film songs and some songs of other singers. Peopleare filled overjoy and they were dancing all over.

Overall it was an thouroughly enjoyable experience.

My favorite songs

2004-10-27T14:04:00.000-07:00

---

My Favorite Songs - Hindi

2004-10-27T14:01:00.000-07:00

This is where I will maintain list of my favorite Hindi songs - This will be updated regularly.

1. Kahin door jab din dhal jaye --- Film Anand

Ghazals :

1. Ranjish hi sah ( Runa Laila / Mehndi Hasan )
2. Baat Niklegi to ( Jagjit Singh )
3. Hangaman hai kyoon barpa ( Ghulam Ali )
4. Sarkati jaaye hai rukh se naqab ( Jagjit Singh )
5.

My Favorite Songs - English

2004-10-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

This is where I will maintain a list of my favourite songs ::
---------------------------------------------------------
1. I'm like a bird ----------- Nelly Furtado
2. Complicated ---------- Evril Lavigne
3. Missing ----------- Everything but the girl
4. Red Red wine ------- UB40
5. Buffalo Soldier ------ Bob Marley
6. Homeward bound ---- Simon & Garfunkel
7. Mrs. Robinson ----- Simon & Garfunkel
8. You are not alone ---- Michael Jackson
9. Whoops now ---- Janet Jackson

Lyrics of 'Kaho na Kaho' song - film Murder

2004-10-27T07:50:00.001-07:00

1. Kaho na Kaho, Ye aankhein bolti hain, o sanam o sanam ; o mere sanam
Mohabbat ke safar mein ye sahara hai ; Wafa ke saahilon kaa ye kinara hai

Now Repeat 1

2. Badalon se oonchee udaan uskee ; sabse alag pehchan uski
Us-se hai pyaar kee kahani mansoob ; aati jaati saason kee rawani mansoob

Now Repeat 2

Tamallee ma aaa, wallah ya ta ha idbam
Tamallee ma aaa

Kaho na Kaho, Ye aankhein bolti hain, o sanam o sanam ;; o mere sanam
Mohabbat ke safar mein too hamara hai ;; Andhere raaston ka too sitara hai

Tamallee habeeb ...

Tu hee jeene ka sahara hai ; Meri maujon ka kinara hai
Mere liye ye jahan hai tu ; Tujhe mere dil ne pukara hai

3.Kaho na Kaho, Ye aankhein bolti hain, o sanam o sanam ; o mere sanam
Labon pe naam tere bas hamara hai ; ye tera dil bhee jaana a-ab hamara hai

Repeat 3 ( replace aankhen with Saansein )

4.khwabon mein tujhako sanwara hai ; Jazbon mein apne utara hai.
Meri ye aankhen jidhar dekhen ; Tera hee tera nazaara hai

Repeat 4 - 3ice

today's diary

2004-10-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

I was feeling depressed in office mainly due to some general consultant issues and discussing them our NJ based HR director. Actually to put it correctly instead of saying I was feeling depressed, I should say that I was depressing myself.

Much to my horror I had noticed few weeks back that I was actually depressing myself sometimes but at the same time I was not well aware that such a thing is happening. That is why I was protesting when Dr. W asked me to show to some psychologist about CFS.

Actually to avoid depression one of the best thing will be get involved in some activities and remain engaged in these. I guess this blog is turning out to be useful in this sense.

Other good idea will be to have a detached and balanced view about things happening around us.
Stock investment in India is doing quite well. So far it has appreciated to about 30% in less than a year which is a decent return. Also overall the portfolio is working better than NSE/BSE indexes. Lets how this folds. It has been a good learning overall.

Overall contolled-carb diet is working out to be quite well for me so far. Now I am stopping the metformin tablet as its need has reduced in a low-carb diet. Also because of higher insulin prdouction , it seems to be causing hunger , irritation and mood swings. I guess a lot of my problems in the past have been caused due to excess insulin and insulin/blood sugar imbalances.

Now I am reading remaining chapters of Albert Ellis' Feeling Better, Getting Better and Staying better' . It turned out to be quite a interesting book like some other Albert Ellis books I have read.

I was just checking

night diary

2004-10-24T23:49:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been event/concert week-end. Yesterday went to Disney on Ice '100 years of magic' show at oakland arena and today went Shaan's ( Singer ) music concert. Both were very enjoyable experiences. A really enjoyed the Disney show. It was colourful and dazzling.

Shaan concert was very enjoyable. He is full of vigour and liveliness. He sang some beautiful and dancing songs.

Looks like new controlled-carb/high-protein diet is helping me alot, atleast so far results have been very encouraging. This week-end we had all these activities and I am still not feeling much tired. And I could do most of the work smoothly.

This is almost a major break-through since my activity level is gone up significantly and irritation/ mood swings /depression is reducing. I am able to read more books. Everything is looking doable and achievable.

At the office front, With the email sent by S about reorg, he has also mentioned that I mgmt structure might also be re-aligned to P structure and also off-shore has been made as optional cost-effective way of increasing support/development bandwidth. I decision makers are worried about the prospects of I/H loosing its importance/growth and also increased attrition by I resources. Let us see what happens. Any changes in I have some potential for affecting my current role as well.

Not much tennis happened this week, because of ongoing rains. Next 2-3 days also weather might be rainy. Lets see what happens. It will also be interesting to see that how this new-found energy helps in tennis play. Lets hope things will go for a major improvement.

Currently reading Vital Energy by David Simon. I was skeptical as book covers the vitality and fatigue related issues from a mind/body/spirit balance point of view. So I was thinking it might be vague and mystical in nature. However it has some vagueness here and there but it still has a lot interesting and useful idea and it seems like it has been written with honesty and seriousness. It has a lot of concepts taken from Ayurveda. It is interesting that a lot of things like Ayurveda etc. have lost their currency in India where they have been originated but interest in these have increased in western countries. Also interesting to note is that I have never have found any lucid/easily readable book on Ayurveda in Hindi but I am able to find better books on Ayurveda in English. Same applies to Hindustani Classical music and few other essentialy indian topics which are not easily available in Hindi but these topics have some better books in English.

Thats it for today.

Herbal Medicines

2004-10-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

Taken from David Simon's book '' Vital Energy "
------------------------------------------------

1. Ashwagandha ( Withania somnifera )
2. Gotu kola or Brahmi ( Hydrocotyle asiatica , Bacopa monniera )
3. Ginko Biloba
4. Ginseng ( Panax GINSENG )
- Ginseng enhances components of life in both men and women. Ginseng added to vitamins improves a person's sense of vitality and well being, but like most potent substance ginseng should not be used indiscriminately. Ginseng is an excellent tonic herb for people with a predominant Earth nature in which it helps to energize the life force. It should be used cautiously if the Wind element is the liveliest principle in your mind body constitution, as the additional energy provided by ginseng may engender turbulence.

5. Guggul ( Commiphora mukul )
6. St John's Wort ( Hypericum perforatum )
7. Valerian ( Valeriana officinallis )

Sr Name --------- Effects ----------- Cautions ----- Usual_Dosage ----- Tim to see effect

1. Ashwagandha -- stress protector -- Mildly heating -- .33/.5 gm twice/day -- 1/2 mnth

2. Brahmi -- mental tonic ---- rare skin rash ------ .33/.5 gm twice/day ------ 1/2 mnth

3. Ginko -- memory enhancer -- avoid ifon blood thinner -- 40/60 mlgm 2ice/d -- 2/6 mnth

4. Ginseng -- tonic ------- may cause restlessness ----- .25 /.5 gm twice/day ---- 1/2 mnth

5. Guggul -- Detoxifier ------ gastric irritation ------ .5 /1 gm twice/day------ 2/4 mnth

6. St john wort -- mood elevator - rare photo-sensitivty - 300 mlgm 3ice/day -- 4 to 8 weeks

7. Valerian -- mental calmer -- sedating in high dose -- .33/.5 gm at bedtime --- 1/2 wks

Today's nightly diary

2004-10-22T01:12:00.000-07:00

Its been a great day today. With the improving health I am having overall positive feelings and like the progress.

Office work went as usual , nothing specific. some billing stuff and some technical issues.

Finished atkins' 'New Diabetes Revolution' book. Now started reading 'Vital Energy' by Dr. Simon.

In the Evening played little bit of tennis myself. Afterwards played with A for few hours.

Went to M's house to send money for S in India.

More blogging tomorrow.

Idea of writing blogs

2004-10-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

The whole idea of writing blog is very interesting. I used to write diary earlier in my notebook but I was quite irregular and quite often I had to push myself to write the diary.

However I just created my blog today and I have already written 4-5 posts and feeling to write more.

I am surprised why it did not click me earlier.

This will also act as an outlet for my various successes , failures , disappointments etc. This will also act as a platform for my experimental writing.

Tennis fun

2004-10-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

I am finding tennis very enjoyable.

Of all the sports I have played so far, tennis seems to be the best.

I will continue to play, practise and enjoy this game.

During the tennis play, I am fully absorbed into the game and there is nothing else going on in my brain. This does not happen when I am doing other activities like reading , talking , listening or office work.

With tennis, my exercise routine will be regular always.

Albert Ellis Psychology/behaviour therapy books

2004-10-21T11:54:00.000-07:00

I read some Albert Ellis' Rational Emotive Behav. Therapy related books and found it very interesting. Here is a gist of what I have geathered.

1. Our reactions to situations and peoples can be controlled by behaving in REBT manner which includes following.
- USA ( universal self acceptance )
- UOA ( universal other's acceptance )
- HFT ( high frustration tolerance )

2. While me dislike or be disappointed by certain events but there is no need to 'awfulize' it. Instead just dislike it and find the rational ways to handle it.

3. Dont say that this person is bad or I am bad instead this person did wrong action in a particluar case.

Weight Loss progress

2004-10-21T11:49:00.000-07:00

After being diagnosed with hyper-insulinism ( metabolic syndrome) in Bangalore in Apr'04,
A combination of diet , exercise and metformin drug has helped me in reducing my weight from 205 pounds to 185 pounds.

Recently read Atkins diabetes related books and have started a controlled carb. Immediate results are encouraging. There is a reduction in weight and reduction in frequent bowel movements.

Now weight is arround 182 pounds. Target is to bring it down to 175 by mid-Nov and 165 by mid-Dec.

cfs case study

2004-10-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

CFS – Case study

I distinctly remembered that time when the neck pain started and affected my life. I was in class 10th and year was 1986. Since then I have been having something or other health related troubles.

I will try to put the major troubles/symptoms in each phase.

From 1986 to 1988

Constant and lingering Neck pain affecting sitting and work
Low activity level
probably mild depression

From 1988 to 1992

Neck pain however by 1991 I had started controlling it by simple exercises
Low activity levels
probably some depression

From 1992 to 1999

Tiredness / Fatigue
Low activity levels
probably more depression
Trouble in sleeping / Unrefreshed sleep
Acidity / Heart-burns
Constipation / bloating

From 1999 to 2002

Tiredness / Fatigue
Low activity levels
probably some depression
Unrefreshed sleep
Acidity / Heart-burns ( controlled from 2001 )
Constipation / bloating ( controlled from 2001 )

From 2003 to 2004

Tiredness / Fatigue /Low activity levels
probably some depression

I would like to put some explanation

Neck pain : This is when the onslaught of troubles happened. I think after some yeas of exercising and mentally ignoring improved this and now this is very less.

Heart-burns / bowel related problems :: I think some of it was happening due to H-pylori. After the successful Hpylori eradication in Sydney in 2001 actidity/bloating problems have completely stopped.

Depression : I never thought I am depressed but now after some analysis and introspection I am realizing that I am depressing myself sometimes if not quite often. This might be complicated and aggravating an already complicated situation.

Weight Gain / Metabolic Syndrome / Insulin Resistance :: This was what was causing weight gain , quick hunger , irritability etc.

Lack of energy :: This might be happening due to Insulin Resistance , Depression , CFS related misdirected/hyper-active immune system

CFS :: I think while per se there is no organic or physical injury but due to misfired / hyper active immune system it is unnecessarily fighting with harmless stuff. This might be the reason why several extended release medicines are causing more problems for me. Or for that matter sometimes even after a long deep sleep , my body does not feel invigorated because immune system was fighting with these things.

Current program for controlling the situation :

To increase energy supply

More eating of vegetables / fruites and home cooked food
Taking metformin 1000 gm perday to fight insulin resistance
Regular exercises by playing tennis

To make sure energy is not wasted

Avoid taking of unknown medicines and outside food.
To understand / find the safest ways to get rid of any troubling food/tablet/agent from the body

To make sure mental / psychological things are in full control

Keeping an absorbing activity writing , reading articles
Playing tennis
More socializing
Outgoing / fun /game activities
Not observing /expecting from other people
Universal Self Acceptance and Universal Other Acceptance
Self montiring and Self analysis